Levi, The Rabbit Police Dog

Me was on bunny patrol again this morning because Levi knows how important it is to alert the neighborhood when one of those furry beasts hops through our yard. From the tracks in the snow, it looked like a giant rabbit came through last night. Most mornings me’s goes out and looks between the slats of the fence, trying to memorize where their tracks lead. Come summer time it will be valuable information for when Moomie takes me out of my fenced area and puts me on a 100 foot clothes line so me can run free---well, almost free. Those bunnies drop treats that me likes to eat and for some reason that upsets Moomie. What’s the problem? They lost them, me’s found them. Case closed. Is Levi supposed to leave them there to rot in the grass?

Moomie is no fun! She doesn't let me go in the woods on the other side of the yard anymore after me’s supposedly brought her something called poison ivy. Levi doesn’t think me’s did that. Me’s don’t remember picking up anything but sticks, but you know humans, sometimes there’s no arguing with them. They ALWAYS think they know EVERYTHING!

One thing she does know about is the rabbit that is determined to drive me nuts. Moomie thinks Miss. Prissy is cute and she even took pictures of the creature as she nestled down under the pine tree just eight feet on the other side of my fence. No matter how much me barked at her that rabbit was too stupid to move! “Move it! Move it!” Levi would bark at her and she’d just point that stupid nose at me, wiggles those big ears and start grooming herself right there in the pine needles. This went on for a week before Moomie got out her can of pennies in an effort to make me quit barking at Miss. Prissy. Me’s toned my bark down to a whine but the penny can didn’t stop Miss. Prissy from coming back time after time. But all she EVER did was bathe and sleep. Bathe and sleep.

Moomie says next summer Miss. Prissy might bring us a litter of babies. She seems happy about that. Don’t human mommies know how hard that would be for a rabbit police dog, like me, to keep track of baby bunnies going every which way? Let Levi tell you, that Miss. Prissy is a sadistic bitch to make her summer home so close to my domain. If she comes back with babies next spring, it will drive me nuts and Moomie will be an accessory to that crime for making that stupid rabbit feel so welcome. Moomie should have opened the gate and let me run that rabbit until it expired from exhaustion!©
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Cardboard Prison

I've always been a busy dog---some might say a naughty dog---until this last year when my heart started acting up. I'm 15 ½ years old but I still feel like a puppy inside. I still want to pull toilet paper through the house but when I walk from the kitchen to the bathroom I have to stop and rest half way. Man, that's a long way to go just to cause a little trouble. So, I've been known to pee on the carpeting instead. That seems to do the trick to get my mom running around like a crazy creature looking for rags and a big red spray can that she uses to re-mark the spot that I just did. Why does she do that? I mark. She marks. I mark again. I may be old but I'm still alpha leader in our pack and I can win any pissing contest. Well, almost any. My territory is three steps down off the deck and sometimes I have trouble in our Michigan winters getting down there and... well, accidents happen.

Yesterday my mom spent a long time lining a huge cardboard box with black plastic. I didn't know what she was making but I had an awful feeling it had something to do with me. At bedtime I found out she did have something sneaky up her sleeve. Mom closed me in the laundry room with the ugly black box blocking the door to the rest of the house. I think she thought I was going to pee in it but I fooled her. I waited until morning, until my dad moved the box, and then I peed on the Linoleum in the kitchen.

I like sleeping in the laundry room but I hate being barred from going into the rest of the house at night. I can't look out the dining room door to see the rabbits eating bird seed at midnight. The snow banks are so high next to the deck that they can run right up them to get to seed my mom throws out for the birds. I think one of night raiders is the rabbit I found hidden in the flowers last summer when it was still a tiny baby. ©