There are rules...or I should say principles to learn to become an angel dog. Yesterday I screwed up royally. I swear, I couldn't help it and if I were being totally honest here, I'm not sure I feel sufficiently contrite about my error in judgment to EVER pass the muster up here at the Rainbow Bridge. My knobby little pair of wings will probably never blossom into glorious, pure white fluttering appendages like my brother Jason and my silly sister Sarah has. If I didn't have such a macho image to maintain, I'd sit down and cry about that.
What exactly did I do? you ask. I crossed over the line and possessed little Levi for a few minutes. I truly, truly couldn't---why won't anyone believe me---help myself. As an angel in training we're suppose to learn how to look out for our earthly charges without twisting their desire to fit our own purposes. How was I supposed to know that doing the latter was more like the devil's work? The angel pledge is full of fine print. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Who reads all that?
Anyway, back my heartfelt confusion. Levi was in the bathroom while Mom was peeing and I saw him looking at the flash of white paper that came off the roller. "Do it!" I shouted in his head. "Grab it!" And he did! I know I possessed Levi for a few moments because he's been watching Mom pee and pull toilet paper off the roll for two months now and he just accepted that flash of paper as something humans do. It was none of his business and he had that down pat until I planted the naught idea in his head. This time---because of me---he snatched the paper out of Mom's hand, took off running and left her holding air. I used to do that all the time in my the first two years and last six months on earth.
Jason said that what I did was bad in principle but not in deed.
"What the heck does that mean?" I asked him.
He gave me that wise-old-monk-on-a-mountain-top look of his, laughed and said, "Grasshopper, some answers you must find in your heart." ©
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Showing posts with label Charmin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Charmin. Show all posts
Monday, July 7, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Me and my Friend, Charmin
I love toilet paper. My humans buy Charmin Ultra and that's my favorite brand, too. I can snatch a mouthful, run out of the bathroom and half way across the bedroom before it quits following me along.
My folks play a fun game with me and the toilet paper. They take the roll off the roller and put the paper high on shelf where they leave it for a couple weeks, hoping I'll forget how to play the toilet paper game. Then, when they put it back on the roller, they sit back and take bets on how long it takes me to discover it again. I'm pretty smart. I usually find it right way and off I go with my mouth full of Charmin. Again.
I haven't had this thing for toilet paper my entire life. In my first two years on earth I was pretty persistent and played with my friend, Charmin, a lot. Then I quit for twelve years 'cause I got busy with other stuff. And last year I started the game back up again for reasons my humans don't understand. They even talked to the veterinary about it, as if she's a mind reader. NOT! No, doc, I'm not bored. I'm not senile and I'm not going through a second puppy-hood, thank you very much. I just enjoy messing with my humans.
For all you pups out there who also love the toilet paper game, I want to share my tips for getting around the traps that our humans like to set.
Trap #1) Red pepper inside the roller. This is easy to over come. Just turn your face away and beat on the Charmin with your paw until all the pepper falls on the floor. Then you can proceed as usual.
Trap #2) The child proof gadget. It has an elastic strap that keeps you from grabbing a mouthful of toilet paper and take off running. This is when you switch tactics on your humans and just bite off large chunks of the white stuff instead. It's fun to watch my mom's exasperated face when she tries to use my special puppy-pinked toilet paper.
Trap #3) The Cool Whip cover. Some humans will try to cover up the toilet paper thinking out of sight is out of mind. They'll remove the bottom off a Cool Whip container, cut a slit up the side and pop it over the toilet paper. Trust me, these homemade covers are quicker to remove than the time it takes your humans to make them.
Trap #4) The closed door. I'm pretty lucky. My humans can't close the bathroom door because it would make it too hard for my wheelchair bound dad to get in. But for you dogs who've run into this trap, check to see if the door has a lever or knob style opener. Levers are easy---I can open them---just jump up and pull down on the lever and presto the door opens. If you have knobs it's a much harder trick but I've heard of dogs who could master it. Don't be discouraged, keep trying.
There you have it, all my tricks for winning the toilet paper game. If you've learned any others, let me know. We dogs need to stick together and share the fun. And remember, if you can get your family to buy Charmin Ultra, it works the best. ©
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My folks play a fun game with me and the toilet paper. They take the roll off the roller and put the paper high on shelf where they leave it for a couple weeks, hoping I'll forget how to play the toilet paper game. Then, when they put it back on the roller, they sit back and take bets on how long it takes me to discover it again. I'm pretty smart. I usually find it right way and off I go with my mouth full of Charmin. Again.
I haven't had this thing for toilet paper my entire life. In my first two years on earth I was pretty persistent and played with my friend, Charmin, a lot. Then I quit for twelve years 'cause I got busy with other stuff. And last year I started the game back up again for reasons my humans don't understand. They even talked to the veterinary about it, as if she's a mind reader. NOT! No, doc, I'm not bored. I'm not senile and I'm not going through a second puppy-hood, thank you very much. I just enjoy messing with my humans.
For all you pups out there who also love the toilet paper game, I want to share my tips for getting around the traps that our humans like to set.
Trap #1) Red pepper inside the roller. This is easy to over come. Just turn your face away and beat on the Charmin with your paw until all the pepper falls on the floor. Then you can proceed as usual.
Trap #2) The child proof gadget. It has an elastic strap that keeps you from grabbing a mouthful of toilet paper and take off running. This is when you switch tactics on your humans and just bite off large chunks of the white stuff instead. It's fun to watch my mom's exasperated face when she tries to use my special puppy-pinked toilet paper.
Trap #3) The Cool Whip cover. Some humans will try to cover up the toilet paper thinking out of sight is out of mind. They'll remove the bottom off a Cool Whip container, cut a slit up the side and pop it over the toilet paper. Trust me, these homemade covers are quicker to remove than the time it takes your humans to make them.
Trap #4) The closed door. I'm pretty lucky. My humans can't close the bathroom door because it would make it too hard for my wheelchair bound dad to get in. But for you dogs who've run into this trap, check to see if the door has a lever or knob style opener. Levers are easy---I can open them---just jump up and pull down on the lever and presto the door opens. If you have knobs it's a much harder trick but I've heard of dogs who could master it. Don't be discouraged, keep trying.
There you have it, all my tricks for winning the toilet paper game. If you've learned any others, let me know. We dogs need to stick together and share the fun. And remember, if you can get your family to buy Charmin Ultra, it works the best. ©
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