Me and my Friend, Charmin

I love toilet paper. My humans buy Charmin Ultra and that's my favorite brand, too. I can snatch a mouthful, run out of the bathroom and half way across the bedroom before it quits following me along.

My folks play a fun game with me and the toilet paper. They take the roll off the roller and put the paper high on shelf where they leave it for a couple weeks, hoping I'll forget how to play the toilet paper game. Then, when they put it back on the roller, they sit back and take bets on how long it takes me to discover it again. I'm pretty smart. I usually find it right way and off I go with my mouth full of Charmin. Again.

I haven't had this thing for toilet paper my entire life. In my first two years on earth I was pretty persistent and played with my friend, Charmin, a lot. Then I quit for twelve years 'cause I got busy with other stuff. And last year I started the game back up again for reasons my humans don't understand. They even talked to the veterinary about it, as if she's a mind reader. NOT! No, doc, I'm not bored. I'm not senile and I'm not going through a second puppy-hood, thank you very much. I just enjoy messing with my humans.

For all you pups out there who also love the toilet paper game, I want to share my tips for getting around the traps that our humans like to set.

Trap #1) Red pepper inside the roller. This is easy to over come. Just turn your face away and beat on the Charmin with your paw until all the pepper falls on the floor. Then you can proceed as usual.

Trap #2) The child proof gadget. It has an elastic strap that keeps you from grabbing a mouthful of toilet paper and take off running. This is when you switch tactics on your humans and just bite off large chunks of the white stuff instead. It's fun to watch my mom's exasperated face when she tries to use my special puppy-pinked toilet paper.

Trap #3) The Cool Whip cover. Some humans will try to cover up the toilet paper thinking out of sight is out of mind. They'll remove the bottom off a Cool Whip container, cut a slit up the side and pop it over the toilet paper. Trust me, these homemade covers are quicker to remove than the time it takes your humans to make them.

Trap #4) The closed door. I'm pretty lucky. My humans can't close the bathroom door because it would make it too hard for my wheelchair bound dad to get in. But for you dogs who've run into this trap, check to see if the door has a lever or knob style opener. Levers are easy---I can open them---just jump up and pull down on the lever and presto the door opens. If you have knobs it's a much harder trick but I've heard of dogs who could master it. Don't be discouraged, keep trying.

There you have it, all my tricks for winning the toilet paper game. If you've learned any others, let me know. We dogs need to stick together and share the fun. And remember, if you can get your family to buy Charmin Ultra, it works the best. ©
.