Big Green Dragons and Pantie Surfing

Levi is back for Schnauzer Saturday. Me missed you. Did you miss me? Do you have time to read my diary? Levi had a weird week.

Monday: Moomie and me went back to obedience school. Only one of my friends from puppy class was there---Miss. Rat Terrier. Rat and me played a little while before class but during class we wasn't allowed to do that. All the trainer did was talk, talk, talk and I had to behave myself at Moomie's feet. The trainer told Moomie I settled down since puppy class. Me guesses that is a good thing in their eyes but I was bored. Two of my new classmates are chocolate labs. They were both as BIG as Daady's La-Z-Boy chair but I didn't care. Me ran right up to Mr. Lab and tasted him because I heard that chocolate tastes good. Me thought he tasted just like Rat.

Tuesday: That nasty thingie called a vaccummmm trapped me in the corner of the bedroom and I couldn't get away from it without running past it and Levi was afraid to do that. Me had to wait and wait and wait until Moomie discovered I'd been missing for an hour. She came and put the thingie back in the vaccummmm's cave so I could escape.

Wednesday: A huge big green dragon snake came in the house and breathed fire and steam all over the carpeting. Daady and me stayed in the kitchen but Moomie is a dare-devil so she made friends with the dragon handlers. Me was jealous because she seemed to like that dragon spitting up all over the house. Levi hopes he doesn't come back again. He stole all the good smells in the house!

Thursday: That evil rain came back and me had to keep my pee inside all day until my eyes shined yellow and it was about to spill out of my ears. Moomie is mean, though. She kept trying to make me go outside even though I used my very best manners to say, "No, thank you."

Friday: Me girlfriend at the Starbuck's window gave me another cup of cream. Levi lovvvves her. She is pretty.

Saturday: Well, that is today and Moomie is cleaning the closet and said I couldn't help. Me don't know why. Me is good at dragging panties out to the living room for Daady to see.

Well, that's all I have to say this week.

Smell ya later,

Love Levi

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My Flaky Human

Levi is back. Can we talk? Me needs advice on what to do about Moomie. Me loves her but she is a flaky human. How do I help her understand that boy puppies are suppose to do the things me does? Like yesterday we were in the back yard and I was tracking rabbits when me found where they hide their jelly beans in the grass. Levi was enjoying those tasty brown things when Moomie grabbed me and dug them out of my mouth! What self respecting boy puppy dog wouldn't eat bunny beans? Moomie doesn't know the first thing about raising baby boy schnauzers.

Then Wednesday me found Moomie's boobie hammock hanging in the bathroom. Levi is smart. Me figured out how to get it off the hook and I turned it into a pull-toy for my stuffie, Mr. Goose. He was having so much fun riding through the living room and Daady was having fun watching the two of us play until Moomie came along. End of fun. End of Daddy, Mr. Goose and Levi being happy.

All week long it was, "Levi, no!" "Levi, drop it." Levi, Levi, Levi---she is going to wear out my name and I'm not even 9 months old yet. If she does, will she have to start calling me by my middle name? Me doesn't even know how to pronounce it. All I know is it's spelled s-t-r-a-u-s-s and me thinks it is going to sound like a sissy name.

Levi did do one bad thing this week but I can't talk about it. It might get back to Moomie and she hasn't found the friend I brought inside the house yet. (I'm not suppose to do that for some flaky reason.) To tell you the truth I can't find her either. She got away.

Me has to go. Oh, guess what! I heard Moomie say we get to go back to obedience school on Monday. Maybe someone there will set Moomie straight about what boy puppies are suppose to do. Keep your paws crossed for her to learn before she turns me into a girlie dog.

Smell ya later, Love Levi

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The Naughty Puppy Catalog

Anyone there? Anyone there? Levi here. Me graduated from puppy obedience class last night! Moomie says we might go back in September. Me hope so. Me will miss playing with my friends.

Levi, it's not Schnauzer Saturday yet.

Me gotta go. Moomie's coming. If she catches me on the computer Levi will get in trouble.

Can you believe my baby brother? He finds the most creative ways to get into trouble. This past week he's been a handful with his wussy reaction to his neutering surgery and he's added several curious items to his naughtiness catalog. 1) He's started playing on the internet when Mom's back is turned and 2), he's been peeing on my gravestones. What's that all about? Seriously. Does he somehow know that I'm the one whispering advice in his little ear? I doubt it but it's got me puzzled and I don't mind telling you, it's kind of creeping me out. I guess I should have my angel powers checked out to make sure I'm doing things right.

In addition to the wussiness, grave peeing and internet episodes, Levi's figured out that one of Dad's feet doesn't work very well so he's been snatching the sock right off that foot and running with it. Every time Mom turns around she has to track the sock down and return it to Dad's foot. He's got no respect for Dad's disability. Well, that's not entirely true. When Mom helps Dad with his showers, and has to transfer him in and out of the shower stall, Levi has learned to sit-stay just fine. But I think he's only doing it for the treats, not because he really understands the safety issue of getting in the way.

Mom's got treats in all her pockets. She never did that for any of her other dog-kids. Half the time she forgets to remove the kibble from her pockets when she does the laundry and it gets washed and dried. Weird, it doesn't look any different having gone through the laundry process. It just falls out the dryer door and Mom scrambles to pick it up before Levi gets to the detergent laced stuff.

Got to go. It's been busy up here at Rainbow Bridge and I want to tag along with the welcoming committee, help out if I can. ©


By the way, if you haven't seen the Bone Relay for the 2008 Paw-limpics, you have to check out the neat video that Lenny made. What a lot of work he put into that video and it turned out to be an awesome start to the Paw-limpics.

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Prince Charles and the 3rd Obedience Class

"Aaaaah-ah-ah-ah-aaaah-ah-ah-ah-aaaah!" That sound is me doing the Tarzan yell because I'm so proud of Levi's performance in obedience class. Jason would say I'm being boastfully proud but I'm starting to catch on the fact that he says a lot of stuff just to tease me into thinking before I speak. What angel-in-training dog wouldn't be proud of his little earth-bound brother who did TWO figure eight heeling exercises in front of the WHOLE class and out shined all the other puppies when it was their turns on the runaway? The trainer/instructor even said to Mom, "Fine job, excellent!" And she didn't say that to anyone else. She just gave the other humans pointers for improvement as they did their walks.

For this week's homework---there are two pages worth---Mom has to practice having Levi do 'sits' and 'downs' many times in different places, working on him being patience and having good manners. And every 3rd or 4th time Levi does it he's to get rewarded with a "Life Reward" instead of a treat. That part will be easy for Mom. She already praises and pets him to an embarrassing level. Heeling while keeping your dog's attention is another goal on the homework list, forgetting about distance for now. That's a bummer for Mom. She wants to go around the block already. But training lessons aren't suppose to be more than ten minutes long so Mom is going along with the program and not doing the neighborhood tour just yet.

Mom is scary, spooky sometimes. You know what else has she's been doing? Trying to teach Levi to pee and poop on command. A couple of weeks ago the obedience instructor said that when you are teaching something new you wait for your dog to do the action and then you name it. Every since then Mom's been saying, "pee" and "poop" every time Levi does one or the other. The neighbors probably think she is crazy. I sure do. First humans want to tell canines where to pee and poop and now they want to tell them when to do it? What's the world coming to? That's the scary part. The spooky part is that Mom thinks Levi understands the pee-on-command thing as of two days ago when she pushed him gently off the steps and tried giving the 'pee' command for the first time. He squatted and did it, but it could have just been a coincidence.

Me, I had the Prince Charlie advice on peeing and pooping down pat. One time when he was being interviewed someone asked him what was the most important thing he'd learned about being in the royal family and he answered, "Never pass up an opportunity to use a restroom." The Prince Charlie theory on pit stops came up often when Mom and Dad used to travel. It's one of those things that tickled their funny bones and became a family joke with immense benefits to them and to me, a dog who got to mark trees all across America. ©


Top Photo: Johnny Weissmuller, 1930s Tarzan for MGM
Bottom Photo: The Prince of Wales, Prince Charles

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Second Puppy Obedience Class

Levi's second obedience class went well, especially the first fifteen minutes when Mom and Levi practiced the 'settling' exercise while they listened to the instructor lecture. One of the things the trainer stressed was the importance of interrupting puppies at play with little obedience tasks and then letting them go back to play. The theory is that as puppies grow into adolescences they will be less apt to ignore or avoid owners when they are playing with other dogs or headed toward danger if they have learned that obeying their humans does not necessarily mean an end to having fun.

The second fifteen minutes of class was a combination of play time and grabbing a puppy by the collar---anyone's puppy---and having him or her do a couple of 'sits' before releasing the tyke to play again. It was a mass of humans and four-legged kids running around, the puppies having a great time and the humans looking like they were in a catch-the-greased-pig contest. Well, not quite THAT bad but you know how I like to exaggerate.

The third fifteen minutes of class was demonstrations on how to teach the 'stay' and 'down' commands followed by the last fifteen minutes of demonstrations on how to start puppies walking on a leash. The instructor used Levi for the demonstration and he did wonderfully. Can you tell I'm a proud big brother? The idea was to only go 2-3 feet at a time and then stop, 'sit' before going again. If the puppies pull on the leashes then the humans are suppose to turn and go the opposite direction.

A few days after the class Mom was feeling so confident that she had Levi under control while walking on a leash that she decided to take him and Dad out on a nature trail near by. How hard could it be to push a wheelchair and heel a dog at the same time? Harder than it looks, she decided. There were so many things Levi had never seen before---bicycles, joggers and other family pets not to mention the dam, river, swans, ducks, poison ivy, bugs and grass taller than him. The ragtag trio only got about a quarter of a mile along the river before turning around and coming back. Poor Mom, now she's resigned to taking them both separately until Levi masters ignoring distractions while practicing his obedience lessons.

Well, I've got to go find my angel brother. He's taking me a Zen Living class. It sounds boring to me but Jason says tonight's discussion will be particularly interesting. They're going to discuss, 'do dogs have a Buddha nature.'

"Of course we do!" I told him as soon has he had finished barking out the title.

"You may be right," Jason replied after a long, drawn-out pause. "Or you may be wrong. But answers giving without meditation are unacceptable." Then he winked at me! I can never tell if he's being serious or pulling my leg. All I know is he's one of the most respected angel trainers up here---even if he does talk in riddles half the time---so I listen when he speaks. ©

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First Puppy Obedience Class 101

God, I hope I never embarrassed Mom the way Levi did tonight. She took him to his first beginner obedience class and as they sat there waiting for it to start, he made a huge fuss crying, whining and barking in an attempt to play with the other six dogs in the group. He squirmed every which way when he was on Mom's lap and when she'd put him on the floor he'd pull so hard at his leash it's a wonder he didn't break her arm. No matter what she did she couldn't get him to calm down. He even bayed like a hound dog. A hound dog! Where did the little snot learn how to do that? All the other dogs just sat there looking at Levi like he was a wacko terrorist dog ready to attack them and rip their guts out. The instructor's helper finally brought over two screens to block Levi's vision and that helped a lot, sitting in the "bad boy" isolation booth. All of the dogs save one were under a year old but Levi was the only one who'd been to puppy socialization class and he was ready to wrestle and run like the wind.

When the instructor started the class she had everyone try what she called. 'settling.' As per the directions, Mom cradled Levi in her lap with a firm two-arm hold, ignoring the whining and squirming. The object was to say 'settle' when he got calm and relaxed for 15 seconds. Only then would she release the pressure of the hold and give him a treat. As soon as he'd get squirmy or whinny again, the hold would tighten back up and they'd start all over. The class all practiced this exercise about ten minutes and the transformation in Levi was dramatic. His periods of calm, 'settling' were getting longer and longer. The instructor said this is teaching dogs how to calm themselves down and eventually to do it on the command of 'settle.'

Then the dogs got ten minutes of play time. Levi excelled at this part while a few of the other dogs freaked out and hide behind their human's legs. And while they were playing the humans were instructed to grab their dogs every so often, say 'got you' and then release them again, telling them to "go play." The humans were also supposed to give the 'sit' command to any dog that came wandering over to them and if they did it to reward them with a treat. All but one dog had been working on 'sits' at home.

After play time the instructor took the dog that hadn't been able to do a sit at home and she demonstrated the proper way to do teach that and she taught the group what she called the 'name game' where the humans reward for eye contact from their dog.

Mom got a ton of homework but none like she expected to get from the class. Naive Mom she thought they'd be learning to heel right from day one. Instead, she's got to practice the eye contact exercise 100 times a day, do the 'settling' three times a day and practice a technique for teaching sitting that stretches the sit times out without using the word 'stay' just yet---that part comes later. Both Mom and Levi came home tired and took long naps. ©



Artwork by Jo Parry